When I Woke Up as Me

I realized the other day, mid "I-wonder-what-I'll-be-when-I-grow-up" thought, that I was, in fact, grown up.

I am me.

I am the grad student, with chronic health problems, and a tendency to drink too much coffee. I'm the girl who loves voraciously reading historical biographies, early classical literature, and Pulitzer Prize winners. I don't like doing dishes. I love ironing my sheets. I continue to try to develop an affinity for non-fiction, exercise, and steamed broccoli. I read every plaque in a museum, and I get goose-bumpy "walking in the foot-steps of ________." (You fill in the blank) at different historical locations. I have read every Jane Austen book several times. I have the Chronicles of Narnia memorized. I don't like Keira Knightley, Keanu Reeves, and Natalie Portman- I don't think any of them can act. I practice arguing in the car because I've never quite been able to carry it off effectively. I think I can dance (but I really can't).

I love chocolate indiscriminately. I prefer Beethoven to Mozart, but I love yowling to soundtracks best of all. Part of me is a snob, but the other part of me loves fun too much to maintain any snobbishness. I would rather swear than use crude humor. I love college football, and watch Purdue for college basketball-- occasionally. I would trade lives with a short list of people (even though I have it incredibly good). My dream car is a BMW Z3. (No, I do not want a Z4, I like the Z3 best.) I've dated three guys, for a total of 5 dating relationships. I thought I would date only one once when I was 18. Part of me wants to be artsy, and the other part gets really bored with anything remotely tedious and time-consuming. I don't have hobbies (aside from reading and writing). I love espresso. I get up early in the morning to study-- I don't stay up late.

I admire people who start their own businesses and have phenomenal work ethics. I love my family, Indiana, my church, and Purdue. But I need to leave someday or else I will stunt my own growth. Some days I'll spend an hour getting ready. The next day, I'll just wash my face and leave. I am not consistent. At anything. Ever. I worship school, success, and a brilliant career. Half of me loves that, half of me hates that. I have no rhythm. I rarely drink hot chocolate. I look at architectural magazines for fun. I love InStyle. I rarely feel like I've worked at maximal capacity. I want to write a book. And be on a talk show. Maybe even have my own.

But this is who I am now.

When did this happen?

And why does 24 (which sounded so old, 4 years ago), sound so very young right now...