I'd Like a Magnifying Glass, Please

I have a new, and shockingly awful hobby, that I am determined to annhilate in this new year. I didn't list it among my New Year's resolutions because I didn't recognize its prevalence in my life until just several days ago. Since recognizing it, I've attempted to justify, ignore, and cater to it. Nothing will suffice. It needs to leave and I'm appalled that it's become so fixed in my thinking.

I always compare myself with others.

And not in the traditionally proud way of, "Well, you can tell my hair is better than hers" and "Aren't we glad that I don't struggle with that..." But in a more insidious, creeping way.

Instead, I look at everyone around me, and I see how amazing they are, how they are giants in areas where I am still a baby, how they are beautiful, talented, smart, gifted... and I'm not.

In my defense, I'm surrounded by some pretty incredible family members, friends, fellow students, etc., etc. They have amazing abilities, some that I have absolutely no hope of ever accomplishing.

But what I'm doing is still a variation on the more commonly known attribute of "pride."

No, I don't have low self-esteem, no I don't need affirmation. The fact isn't that I don't consider myself enough, it's rather that, just like the traditional proud man, I do look at myself too much, I just choose to do so from a different angle. The majority of my focus is still me.

And that's pride-- thinking that I am entitled to think of myself to this degree.

I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to address this. I know that the focus needs to be removed from myself and others and transferred to a Higher Power. And that I'm going to need to learn how to stop my thoughts at, "Wow, she's amazing at ________________." Without continuing on to "and I'm not... **sigh**"

We'll see how this goes...

When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. (II Cor. 10:12,13)