Feeling guilty about the goodness...

I've made some mistakes. This is true.

But how totally, completely, unbelievable is it that after I've made those mistakes, after I've gone running back to God, He doesn't wait a while (so I can prove my merit) to lavish goodness on me. He just showers it. In abundance. Without any requirements on my side.

I, treadmill mentality of grace firmly in hand, think, "Wow. This isn't good. I haven't done anything. God's being good to me, after I had ignored him for so long. Shouldn't I have a period of mourning? A period of suffering? Why on earth is He being so very kind to me?"

And I feel guilty because everything is so inexpressibly good. I feel that I shouldn't be this happy. That I shouldn't be this content. That everything shouldn't be so wonderful.

But I am happy. Things are good. GOD is good.

How amazing. And sobering...

It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.

(Hebrews 6:4-6)