Recently, I have been struggling with the concept of God's sovereignty. My trust is thin, and my tolerance of difficulties even thinner. I would announce convincingly that I believe in, trust in, and rely on my heavenly Father. I would claim that I believe God is sovereign and in control.
But I would not live that way.
I blamed others for choices I made, for the miserableness of my life, for a failure to achieve all I wanted. While saying that I trusted God to be in control- gently guiding my life so as to shape me into His image, I refused to live that way.
Two friends of mine have recently taken it to the next step- they don't believe in God, or are reticent to give Him any amount of power. Either He doesn't exist, or He is a paltry, weak god.
At first crushed at this knowledge of their belief, I failed to see that when I question God, I do the same thing. He isn't in control- he's weak. He doesn't care- He is without compassion. My lack of trust, although not leading me to renounce my faith, causes me to doubt my God- to limit Him. I am ashamed.
"O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy..." (II Samuel 7:28)
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