If I was really me...

I can't help but wonder something...

If I was really, entirely, completely me- would anyone like me?

I'm inclined to think they would not.

That's my general view.

For instance, the real me would say, (when once again politely asked "Anyone special in your life?") "Yes, he's 87 and I'm his playboy bunny. It's really fun. You should try it." And then watch with glee as the sweet, little Baptist lady gaped in horror.

Or, when presented with steamed brocolli I would calmly say, "Brocolli is disgusting." That's all. The real me would never return the cart to the cart rack, or be nice to the too-slow Starbucks lady. The real me would tell the parents of certain first grade Sunday school pupils that their child was a devil incarnate, and that they, themselves should be punished for introducing such a blemish to society. I WOULD dye my hair the punk highlights I've always desired, and I'd get a nose "sparkle." I would clap in church- and I might even say, "Amen" or "Hallelujah." I know. Scary. I would admit my affinity for rap music. And dancing. And then I would GO dancing and maybe even have a margarita. I would. The real me would flirt with the waiter, stay out until 4, and refuse to have another boring summer job in an office. I would occasionally stop studying, go partying, and skip class on Friday. I would intentionally light things on fire, say exactly what I'm thinking, and wear my men's XL sweatpants in public.

Unfortunately, I've had this thing known as an "upbringing." My parents have worked ceaselessly to impress some level of responsibility and decorum. They've succeeded. Although they might often doubt that.

So here I am. I smile at the little old lady and say, "No, no one right now!" I eat the brocolli, return my carts, am nice to the Starbucks lady, and intone the age-old "Johnny was a little excited today but we talked about it" to another parent. The hair is completely preppy, the nose ring a dream, I refrain from emotion at church, and listen to rap occasionally when all alone in my car. I dance only with my hair dryer, drink diet coke, am boringly polite the the waiter, and apply for another office job. I study. I don't party. I always go to my Friday classes. I've never lit anything on fire (intentionally), I censor my speech, and I haven't worn my sweatpants in public. (The drive-thru does not count.)

And I'm "good." Very Baptist. And well-behaved. And I don't mind. I might even like it. My parents should heave a sigh at their success.

But occasionally I wonder what would happen...

Do you think anyone would notice if I got plum highlights?