The class I have already taken and will drop as soon as IU sends my transcript for the on-line equivalent

I always get an itching to describe certain members of academia right as I'm laboring under first impressions. As the semester continues their character develops (not always) and sometimes it's hard to include all their character (in some cases).

Let's spend today on my English professor.

He's an eccentric man. I don't think there's any other way to describe him. The first day of class we did not get a syllabus. We were not told a class outline. We were not given expectations, grading procedures, or any of the other common first-day staples of a college course. Instead, we spent an ENTIRE 20 minutes learning how to pronounce his name. No joke. I looked at the clock.

His name is Fiscle. Pronounced like "thistle" only with an "f". That's it. I just gave correct pronunciation in less than a paragraph. Two sentences, in fact. Amazing, I know. Perhaps I should go into higher education. I bet I could teach people how to say "Blake" in one easy step. I'd be a genius in my field...

This would not have been so bad were he not insulting my intelligence at the same time. He began the class by telling us that this is "very hard... you'll have never experienced a class of this intensity." I almost snorted. It's English 108. Then, after speech which scared every freshman in the room and simulataneously convulsed each upper-classman with silent, hidden laughter (yes, the two of us were very amused...) he said, "Everyone, pull out your schedule."

I hadn't printed mine. "Young lady- you need to print off your schedule. You'll get lost." I smiled and said, "Thank you." He doesn't need to know that I've been coming to this university since age 3 and that I have been a student since 2004, and that my mortar board has been color coded and scheduled for almost 48 hours. He then proceeded to walk us through the schedule. It went something like this:

"Okay, everyone look- is there a class at 8:30 on Monday. Everyone check. You have it? Good. Now, does this class also meet on Wednesday and Friday? Are there any Tuesday, Thursday slots? If there are Tuesday, Thursday you may be in the wrong class. Are you okay- did you check? Everyone check. Double check. Good. Now, everyone... is the class called ENGL 108? ENGL means "English." Does everyone have that? Are you sure? Is your Monday, Wednesday, Friday class labelled ENGL 108. Remember ENGL stands for "English." Okay, now look again. Are you supposed to be in HEAV? That's this building, Heavilon. H-E-A-V. Has everyone checked? Okay, double check. Look again for any Tuesday Thursday times. Now go back through the schedule and check everything again. Do it again. Are we okay? Are you sure? You're where you're supposed to be?"

Even if I had been in the wrong class, I don't think I would have left. To leave would be to admit a level of stupidity that I never want to be associated with. My brain felt like it was going to explode from the pure idiocy of the whole proceeding.

He then read the roll call. Oh yes, he did. And he spent about 3 minutes on each person's name- after pronouncing it correctly he would preen for 30 seconds about how amazing it was that he had done so well at pronunciation and that it was a sign of preparation and knowledge of the English language. (There were 4 Indians in the class **knowledge of English doesn't help with those pronunciations, but he thought it did** and the way he spit out their names was something to behold. My name's normal. He laughed at it and said, "Well, there's nothing exceptional about that. Fairly boring name, right?" Excuse me? "Blake" is a FABULOUS name. However, I felt worse for the others whose names were derided or butchered. No one dared to correct him, even though I saw one guy shake his head when his name was chopped.)

Then, after another soliloquey about the difficulty of college (of which difficulty he had shown us nothing) he let us go. And, even though the syllabi were sitting in a stack next to him, he merely tapped them and said, "Ahhh, you young, eager freshmen. You shall not get a syllabi today! I bet you have no other class that does that. I'm sure no one else is so thorough in their acclimation. You will have no other class like this one!"

Let us hope not.