There is so little I'm qualified to write on... Shall we whip out singleness again?

Hello, dear reader! Did you know that I'm single? Don't snigger behind your hand. I know that the "plight of singleness" is this blog's bread and butter, and although I try to stray to more edifying topics, the fact is: people (judging from the volume of comments) seem to like reading my "relationship posts" more than any other type of post.

I'm thinking of becoming the new Ann Landers.

Singleness has been the primary topic of the past three days. (Weddings, it turns out, will do that to you.) I and several of my grad school girl friends, drove to Indianapolis to ooh, ahh, and dance the night away at a dear friend's wedding. (And yes, my eyes held sparkly tears as I watched her walk towards her groom.) My new roomie moved in the night I got back, and (both of us being newly launched career girls) we discussed the pros and cons of our single condition. I'm also reading "This Momentary Marriage" with another friend, and we discussed it over curried chicken tonight at dinner. (My little house still smells of curry. Ick.)

All that to say, I think I've had the same conversation about six times in the past three days. I think if men knew how often we talked about them (both specifically and as a general whole), they would be... intimidated.



If, in Jane Austen's day, "it was a truth universally acknowledged that a single man, in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife," then today's universally acknowledged truth is that "a single girl, in possession of a fabulous career, must be in want of a husband."

The general consensus among my girlfriends? We all want to be married.

But after the first torrent of girlish frustration (smattered with jokes of looking for a man at a gun and knife show... which they whip out because they know the very thought gives me terrified goosebumps), something else (because my friends are delightful, vibrant ladies) always surfaces:

"Well, what am I going to do with the time I have now?"

Yes. We are single. But our very productive, thrifty souls shake their heads at a flagrant waste of these years. I am proud to know such friends. Ladies who ask, "What will I do with the freedom my singleness provides? Who can I serve? What should I be doing now, that in the future, a family will keep me from doing?"

We've discussed travels to orphans in Africa, philanthropic pursuits, hospitality, mentoring, and personal growth. I'm delighted to be surrounded by a myriad of women who desperately want to be wives and mothers, but who are aware of the delights, privileges, and unique responsibilities of singleness.

These are not days to be wasted, or time to be marked off as you scour the horizon for some distant (perhaps fictional) mate. These are delightful times filled with adventure and freedom that may never be found again.

Life does not start when you get married. Happiness is not automatic, troubles do not lessen, and character flaws do not evaporate. Marriage is not the magic pill to your dream life.

What are you doing now, with your singleness to guarantee that married or not, you are a better, more selfless individual when you stand before Christ? I ask myself this same question. Registering for a Kitchen Aide mixer will not make me complete. But pulling out my nifty hand-held mixer and whipping up a dinner for a new family or lonely college student- ah, that might actually produce eternal fruit.

As the adage goes: “Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person."

You can't control one, but you can control the other.

Stop looking and start being.