I'm tired of it.

Tired of it all.

Arrgh!

I'm tired of always being wrong, always being corrected, being corrected when I'm NOT wrong, being told to write more, being told to write less, being told that I'm good at something, and then being smacked with "you're not REALLY good at it." Being told to be confident to call it, and then being told that I can't call THAT. Being told I have a good eye but my ear isn't so great, being told I have a great ear but my eye isn't so great.

SICK OF IT!

It's as though extern rotations are specifically designed to shake whatever confidence you might have, or might be developing, and move it around.

"You're good. You're not. Well, you're good at that, but not this. Nevermind, you're not good at that. Do it this way. No, do it that way. Didn't I TELL YOU to do it this way?"

ARRRRGH!

Part of it is just my pride rearing its ugly head in anger and wounded pain.

The other part, I am sure, even in my rage, is valid frustration. Don't expect me to know things you never taught. Don't expect me to do things that you never do. Don't expect me to know what that word means, how to measure that, or how to deal with them.

STOP.

I'm a STUDENT. First, I'm doing a GOOD job, I'm working my a** off (yes, mom, I said that), and I'm doing it CORRECTLY. I'm not killing anyone. I'm not even HARMING anyone or causing them pain.

Tomorrow, maybe even tonight, this rant will be funny, irrational, and incorrect. But for right now it's very, very real.

I am blessed. I love my placement. I love my experiences. I really, truly do. I'm just a little tired of being the "girl who doesn't know what she's doing" and the student who can be whipped around on a whim.

Just tired.
And a little frustrated.

And ready for the summer vacation I will never have.