"If you want me to hold the door, don't give me a dirty look, like I don't think you can do it."
"She won't LET me pay for dinner. I was reaching for my wallet. I promise."
"She put her coat on before I could even find it to hold for her. It's not my fault."
Yes, gentlemen. I'll admit. We ladies can be a wee bit forceful at times. In fact, the rumor has been batted around that "chivalry is dead," and the rumble from the men I've talked to is that feminism* is what killed it.
Which is complete poppycock.
If all it took were some opinionated women to kill chivalry, then chivalry must have been a pretty weak specimen.
Yes, there will be ladies who sneer at your kindness and compassion. There will be those who look at your helping hand with disdain. And there will be those who will interpret every kind, thoughtful, chivalrous gesture as affront to their competence as a human being. And I know that can't be pleasant. But you must know that behind one of these commanding women, stand ten who love chivalry. We will light up when you open the car door, when you shovel our driveways, scrape our windshields, and walk us home in the dark. (And yes, with revolving doors, the man goes first.)
We're not namby-pamby, vanilla girls. In most cases we're competent, spicy ladies... who still love knights in shining armor.
All this to say:
Plan the date.
Pay for it.
Open the door.
Hold up the jacket.
Shake our fathers' hand firmly.
Chit-chat with our mamas.
Don't sit out front and honk when you're picking us up.
And please be patient with us if we seem initially unsure, or confused by your courtesies. They are often a rare commodity. But don't worry. Our surprise and confusion won't last for long... soon your chivalry will be the reason for a smile, and a sparkle of happiness.
If abrasive feminism "killed" chivalry, then let true masculinity give it a shock back to life.
*I am condoning "feminism" very narrowly in this post. I'm a "first wave" feminist. (i.e. I believe women should have the same rights as men when it comes to politics, landholding, and jobs.) There is, however, a branch of feminism whose flagrant delight in emasculating men is abhorrent. They are sexists. Period. But we'll save that rant for another post. I don't think this argument is dependent on the type of feminist any lady may happen to be, but I thought I should probably expound for clarity's sake.
**This post is not a reaction to a negative event, but rather a way (albeit a rather upside-down way) of appreciating the men in my life (aka, my father and brothers) who are remarkably skilled at recognizing the strengths of women, while simultaneously protecting them. Thank you, dear ones for your chivalry!)
2 comments:
My thoughts exactly. :)
You should be doing PR for the Red Cross, you know. In fact I'm on my way down there right now to volunteer. I'm not sure why.
I have known a couple of women who seemed like they were out to emasculate men. (No. In case you were wondering.) But it was because of experiences in their past, I thought.
One of them would have said she was a feminist, I think, one not. But any kind of movement, like feminism, tends to attract certain people, don't you think, who feel totally powerless and find in it a possibility of empowerment. I sometimes see these really overt-looking lesbians, who to me look "abhorrent," but that costume is their armor. I would guess that inside is probably a frightened person, who has been hurt or who growing up just didn't get the wherewithal to defend themselves against the knocks of this world.
Perhaps.
Incidentally I'd be interested in why women like chivalry. As a male, it would seem to me to be in the context of human relations in general, i.e., a way of being polite, or, of sexuality in particular, i.e., this is the way mating has been socialized. I like being nice, and I like pleasing a woman. But that's me. I don't know if I actually get the sense of either of those from your piece, and I wondered if there is something else.
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