Over the past few months, I have made feeble stabs at job-hunting. I say "feeble" because of the small number of applications and my lackadaisical follow-up attempts. I've never seen anything that made me jump up and down, squealing, "Oooh! I want to be a speech pathologist THERE!" Of course, this could be due to a long-sneaking suspicion that I don't really want to be a speech pathologist, and as a result, my laziness kicks in, and I'd rather go to barbecues than Monster.com...
But I don't think that's the biggest issue.
The real problem is that I am FLIPPING OUT. I am terrified. I don't want to move. I don't want to sell my house. I don't want to explore a new city. I've always said that I wanted to do those things, and part of me still wants to, but not like this.
I never really dreamed that this day would happen alone. I knew it was a possibility, but in the thousands of happy scenarios I played out in my mind, I was rarely, if ever, going it alone. Family is my anchor and my safe spot, and I always assumed that if I couldn't take my family with me, I'd take someone who was my "new family." I wasn't going to do this alone.
But now I am.
And I know it will be wonderful (because my God is good), and I know I will learn, and stretch, and grow (because that's my God's all-encompassing plan), but right now I'd rather just sit in the sun, pool-side, and ignore the looming discomfort transplanting always brings.
So, I would covet your prayers as I wend my way through these last 30+ days of my graduate program. I'm bored. I'm terrified. But I'm almost done. And I'm not particularly excited about finding a job.
3 comments:
Oh my dear friend, God has GREAT things planned for you. You are such a warm and caring person who God will use greatly. Pray, pray, pray! We love you.
Hinds feet on high places was unexpectedly a really good read during the transplant process. Especially the oh crap what have I gotten myself into.
1. It is okay to flip out.
2. You will never be alone--He is there.
3. Your family will still be your anchor and your safe spot.
4. Your new family may be where your first job is.
5. It is fabulous to think that there are still people like you who have real questions and share them so eloquently. (I love your heart.)
6. Don't you hate numbered lists which seem to tie things up so neatly and yet never deal with the real issues of life? Life can be scary and uncertain if we really would care to admit it--but that can start a long theological discussion.
Post a Comment